How To Become A Real Artist (And Begin Suffering Like A Pro)
We figured we’d be doing the art community a favor if we let the rest of you get a glimpse into the creative process of real dedicated artists.
Keep in mind: This preparation is necessary just to be considered an artist let alone create good art.
For The Beginner Artist
Below you will find a checklist of essential actions you can take right now to help get you on the right path.
Additional tip: You have to develop an eye for artsy fonts, like comic sans to create good graphics. This takes practice.
For the Intermediate Art Practitioners: Getting A Mental Disorder
Don’t have a mental disorder? You know what they say…. Fake it till you make it.
This is an absolutely crucial step because mentally tortured artists produce great art.
You want your suffering to become automatic and always in the background.
Pros don’t think.
Thus, you are aiming for unconscious competence, the highest level of skill.
So how can you get there?
The key is to mimic what people with mental disorders do. Here are some tips to put you in the correct mindset:
- Change your wallpaper background to something depressing like a black and white photo. Leave it open in class or at Starbucks when you go to the bathroom. This is called “status symbolling” and will let others know you’re a serious artist.
- Throw out all your old clothes and start wearing only black. Black pants, black turtlenecks, and black scarves are the essentials.
- Reduce your WSPD (words said per day) average to below 10. You’re serious about being an artist right? Real artists are more concerned with what’s going on in their mind than the external world because that’s where the creative process happens. They aren’t worried about impressing uncultured swine with small talk. Remember: “What doesn’t get tracked, doesn’t get improved”
- Evasively counter questions by responding with “curiosity killed the cat”. This works great in job interviews or when meeting new people because it ups your mystery aura needed for the ever elusive, “enigmatic and mentally tortured artist” points.
- Your music library needs a restart. All happy music has to go. Start listening to tortured, experimental music that doesn’t even sound good to expand your mind and help clash conventional with unconventional ideas together (have you heard of Death Grips?). That is an essential creativity tip. Black metal and abrasive electronic music also works.
You hear that? This is what real artists listen to.
- Start an art blog and post frantic updates for the first year and a half. Then disappear. Perhaps leave behind a final farewell message (keep it vague). This suggests you lost it somewhere along the way and have ascended.
For the Advanced: Real Artists In Action
I am a painter by trade. I have dedicated my life to painting (funded by my competitive video gaming sidecareer)
Below you will get a sneak peek at one of my summoning rituals I partake in when creating my masterpieces.
Once the ritual was complete I experienced a sudden urge of inspiration as I took my razor to my wrists and felt what the ancient yogis practicing asceticism felt as my red blood mixed with the red acrylic.
This painting is me. It is an expression of who I am. This is art.
This is a style I’ve been developing for a few years now as I’ve carefully honed my skills.
I call it “Abstract Neo-Futurism.” It has its roots in the surrealist movement but I’ve innovated the medium forward by incorporating the greatest artistic ingredient – suffering – into my works.
There you have it. We expect a sharp increase in the number of masterpieces created in the upcoming years. The invaluable advice outlined here should be enough to usher in a second Renaissance and golden age for art all around the world. Partake in history by sharing it with your (former) friends.